Book of Mormon
Thursday, May 16, 2013
No this is about why we went in the first place.
If you guy's even casually read this blog, you know I suck at birthdays. There was the missing wallet incident, the fail cake, the bad attitude birthday...the list goes on and on.
But this year I was going to do things right, This year I knew that Kendle wanted to go to the show, so looked for tickets. Now of course, one could not get tickets in
I couldn't just get the tickets and surprise her, I wanted to make sure she wouldn't be traveling that week or something, so I just told her that for her Birthday I would be getting tickets...in May, to the show she wanted to see.
We figured out dates and picked tickets and I purchased them, and then she flipped the script on me.
"How about this just be a fun thing we do in May."
Sure...after the 150 dollars were spent she's gonna go with this "it's just a fun thing" line.
So, because I'm not allowed to ruin another birthday I had to go along with this "all that cash you just dropped is just for a fun thing in May" deal. (Oh and don't forget I have to take her out to eat at some $50 a plate place that night too, but we'll get to that.)
Guys, I don't even remember what I got her for her birthday this year. It must have been nice, I don't remember screwing up anything this January, but it was not some silly little gift I'm sure. It was probably a fancy dinner....maybe some sort of all weekend deal where every day we did something special. I think that's it..it's kinda all coming back to me. What I'm saying here is I didn't skimp on the actual Birthday. She weasled
So before the show we went out to eat at this Italian joint. I figured "Why not Veal?"
"What exactly is Veal?" I asked Kendle, before ordering.
"It's baby cow"
"I wish you had not told me that" I responded.
But after struggling with the idea of eating baby...I decided to go for it cause when else am I gonna have the opportunity?
Guys...it was delicious. Not so great that I'm going to be searching out more baby cow to eat, but it was good and tender and flavorful and all the things you want when eating a baby. Cow. A baby cow.
So I post my thing on Facebook, about it, and Kendle Checks us in at the Theater and we are kinda in a mini war over who's post was better. I say mine..it's funnier. She says hers, as its more informative and sweet. So far she's winning with one extra "like" and an actual comment.
I'm not gonna say you should go tip the scales in my favor....but you know what to do.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Then she drew a big embarrassing heart on it and wrote my name in it forcing me to have to explain the whole thing to my co-workers.
This is what we call "happy marriage problems." I'd rather have these versus "where's the money?" problems or "you slept with who?" problems.
But there's another story for you guys surrounding the tray of brownies, if you want to lean in close and listen.
See all the girls had planned this party for one of their co-workers, which was why the brownies were made in the first place. But the individual for whom the party was for....called in sick that day. So there they were, like, 6 -10 people with special treats to congratulate him on graduating...and he's not even there. FOR SHAME.
It's my understanding that if he doesn't come to work today, they will just send him pictures of them eating all the food they made for him.
Oh those crazy Co-workers!
So like I told you, I recently told the story of Pat Pasquini to some co-workers, and they were just floored. They thought it was the craziest thing ever.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Personally it's mostly a joke to me these days. You can even see in the beginning of this movie where I mock Pat, mocking me.
Honestly he was the furthest thing from my mind since after that whole "hart taped to my door" thing. But oh my clever little co-workers. I went out to lunch with Colin and when I came back they were staring at me like I had done something wrong.
"What?" I asked.
"There was some guy from Socious here looking for you" they said. Socious is a third party vendor I have a standing phone meeting with every week, so It would be odd if they were in the office, but not out of the question.
"Oh shit!" I thought to myself, "did I forget a meeting?" Confused I moved towards my cube and asked
"Was his name Ray?"
"I think he said his name was Pat." That's when I saw this taped to my monitor:
Like I said, Pat's the furthest thing from my mind, and I stopped and looked at it, and I was trying to figure out who at Soicious was named Pat.
They looked defeated as they had to explain to me they were pranking me, and that they wanted me to freak out that Pat was back.
WOOSH! Right over my head. Oh well... It would have been a good prank if I had been in the right mindset to get freaked out.
The cute part was that one of them was so worried I was going to take it wrong and go to HR over it that they almost didn't even do it. I'm like the last guy that's going to ever go to HR ever. I tend to take care of problems myself.
So last night was bingo night. Did you promise to come out and check it out and then backed out? I'm looking at you Divya! Boy oh boy did you miss out, because there was one round of bingo hosted by the one and only....ME!
Thursday, May 09, 2013
Yup, I guess Mark has to go on vacation and he was lamenting his need to find someone to cover the show and I was all "I used to do bingo in Champaign" to which he raised his eyebrows in interest.
I didn't think much of it, but then randomly, when I was about three beers deep he pulls out this mic and hands it to me and says "Tryouts happen now"
I was a mess. I dropped one of the bingo Balls, got heckled to no end, broke the audio system by speaking to loud and then asked Mark "What's wrong with your Balls?!"
Cause see...there was a ball, with 2 numbers on it. It wasn't my fault, I swear it had two numbers on it. Kendle said I was good...but it didn't feel good, so I don't believe her. I think I would have done better if I had been prepared or, maybe, you know....sober.
I didn't botch the entire night, thankfully. I won a scratch off card. The card was a 10 dollar winner AND I got a free entry into this weeks Mega Millions, so you know...If you don't hear from me after Friday it's because I'm busy looking at Islands to buy and figuring out how to get reliable internet to it.
My Internet Stalker
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
This story is 100% true and unembellished. I know I usually put a little flair on things to make them more interesting, but this story...it doesn't need that.
The Story of my Internet Stalker - Pat Pasquini
Way back in the wild wild west days of the internet before privacy was a concern or even really thought of, I had a website. The website had a blog before blogs were even a thing. I would post things on the site about what was going on in my life. I thought it would be nice to have a record of important things, and not so important things...for later.
Well that's all gone now, so good on me for keeping up with that. So on this website was alot of personal information. Nothing physical like my address or phone number,but stuff like my AIM username and where I went to school. Again, with no concern for privacy, my username was my full name "BenGorski."
And as it happened in those days people would just add you and start talking to you and you never really thought "this is weird" you just thought "this is incredibly cool, I'm talking with strangers through the internet, sharing ideas and learning about a different way of life." At least that's what I thought about when I was doing it.
Enter PatPasquini, who started IM'ing me out of the blue one day. He had gotten my name off my website and wanted to chat. We talked about all sorts of things, like school, video games and even Rachel, my girlfriend at the time. She was a vegetarian and Pat came up with this cute nickname for her because of that. "Lunchmeat." Clever Pat.
Needless to say, It kinda weirded me out that he was getting so involved with my life, and more so that he was kinda into Rachel (or at least he had lots of questions about her).
Time went on, and our conversations turned from Rachel to a movie he was making. Pat told me he and his friends were making a movie, about me, staring him. I laughed it off a silly, but then he sent me this:
Of course, YouTube didn't exist at that time...he emailed me a movie file.
Yes, that's Pat, who had gone through pictures I had posted and tried to emulate my dress as much as possible, backwards hat and gray clothes. His "script" came from the front page of my website. So this is Pat...pretending to be me in college.
|See, he was pretty accurate!|
Of course years had passed, I was in my last semester of college when I got an IM from Pat. The conversation went something like this:
P: Hey are you in English 120?
H: Ummmm, yeah
P: In the English Building, room 74, at 1:00?
H: Creepy, yes?
P: Ok, because I have a friend in that class, he's gonna talk to you tomorrow
Again, back in the day, with no concern for privacy, the U of I in it's infinite wisdom had provided a tool called PH, for phonebook. You could type in that command at any computer on campus and look up someones....well anything. Schedule, Address, phone number, email address....anything! So what had happened was that one of Pat's friends had gotten into the U of I, and using completely legitimate tools, had tracked me down...to the room I would be in at a specific time.
So now it's not funny anymore. Now its broader line creepy. No, It's past creepy this is scary. But not scary enough to miss class that day. So off I went to English 120, my blow off Sci Fi reading class.
I sat in that class for all 50 minutes looking around, trying to figure out who this kid was. Who was this friend of Pat who was going to make himself known. Class ended and people started filing out except this one scrawny looking kid. I stayed seated in my seat and he approached.
"Hey, do you know Pat?" he questioned in a squeaky voice. He was barely over 18 and apparently had not gone all the way through puberty yet.
I stared him in the eyes and put on my best "mean mug" possible and in a low gravely voice said "Just walk away kid" and pointed at the door.
Fear washed over the kids face and he pulled a 180 and left.
But the story doesn't end here either.
At this time in my life, I lived in an apartment that was not secured at the street level, meaning people could walk right up to my front door before needing a key. A week or so later late at night I heard this scuffle out in the hallway, giggling, and then a loud bang.
I didn't think much of it. It was an unsecured building, and I was living on a college campus. It was probably just some drunks or whatever, besides my door was locked, they weren't getting in.
The next morning on my way to class as I closed and locked my front door, I saw...taped to the peep hole, a small scrap of paper. On the paper there was no writing or message, just a heart, scrawled in blue ink.
I knew immediately it was Pat's friend. See guys, PH even had your address if you didn't live in a dorm, because they had to send the bill somewhere, and it had that address available for anyone.
Needless to say this tool has since been changed for this exact reason.
And there ends the tale of Pat Pasquini...for now. I never know when he will pop up again.
Of course since then, internet privacy has become a hot button issue. There are more ways to protect yourself, but there are also more ways for people to get that kind of information on you.
If there's one lesson I want you all to learn from this is that the web is not a safe place. It just takes one creeper to become infatuated with you and a Google search away for them to start to learn more and more about you. You should consider everything you do on the internet as public. Even things behind a password or privacy controls.
So yeah...you with the weird tentacle fetish...whenever you log into that message board and converse with like minded individuals...that may be private... but only for right now. Someday it won't be and we are all gonna know how you like the purple ones better than green ones...you sick freak.